PSEUDO LIMERICKS & OTHER STUFF

I believe in the phenomenon of unassailable good.
David Baldacci: "The Simple Truth"

When Q enticed Dorothy, during a game of tag, outside the Enterprise: only then did she understand transmutation and temporal existence.

Limbo is a difficult limb to hang on to in the gale of life.

Never paint your toenails RED when you are drunk.

Step out of the painting.
Become one with the thought that guides the brush.
Be the life long love affair of Salvador Dali.
Sweet music of my existence, my Muse.
"Thou art That"

Artists simply must create.
Musicians create on silence;
Writers create on anything
with whatever they can find.

Every creative, challenging, thought provoking,
inventive young person is put "into a safe place"
to be made powerless by some absolute idiot
of a superior who cannot tolerate thought
because it might screw up his tenure.

I never knew why the ending of "Close Encounters" disappointed me.
In 2005 I discovered Spielberg never liked the ending,
and bowed to media pressure.
Viewing the weak childlike occupants
caused the Mothership to lose power and credibility.
Like, once you know the rattlesnake under the bed is a rope
you can peacefully go to sleep.
The magic of the fearful mystery was lost in the seeing.

The Department of Defense & Homeland Security have the last word on censorship.

I think The Buddha or Depak Chopra said,
If you meet a swordsman, rattle your sword.
But if you are a poet, never show your poems
to a man who is not a poet.

Meditation and contemplation
of ones own holy navel
only cuts down on the lint.

You would be surprised
at just how much I put together
and glean of things I've heard or seen
to get these poems of mine.
Then some are line upon line of blatant fire
I breathe now and again
through my present earthly time.
But some just come to me;
hand delivered by buckskin beaded Indians
or silk covered slant-eyed Chinese
or some other being with a message
in the middle of the night.
These are by far the easiest to write:
for I am never there.

Nothing remains the same.
All things come to an end.
Sometimes things are taken,
stolen,or die.
These are not the words of a Fatalist.
This is living in the present:
knowing that the future becomes the present
only with the next breath.

There is no "X" in ecstasy.

Men are into getting in touch
with their softer female side:
becoming nurturers,
care-givers,
keepers of the family unit,
uniting with other male parents,
looking for peaceful warrior comrade-ship.
Mothers are out dressed like wannabe hookers
grouped together looking for the return
of the Great White Buffalo Goddess.
While confused children wander aimlessly;
or watch TV, looking for the forgotten breast.
"Where have all the flowers gone"
has taken on new meaning.

TED SAYS

Texas Pete tastes like mouth-wash.

I never had matching furniture
until I stayed at a Motel 6.
I thought it was purty.
I thought this could not be true.
His father was a dedicated ER doctor
in a far southwest Texas hot little border town.
On second thought, it could be true.

Daniele said:

"Dr. Singer, you can have my 2001 planner."
"No", he replied. "You need the planner, Daniele."
Daniele flipped her long blond hair out of her eyes,
"What do I need a planner for?"
"To plan your life." Singer told her.
"Dr. Singer, I can do that in my head!"

Steve's grandmother said
when life was just too much:
"If'n it ain't snakes; it's piss aunts."

FRANK ZAPPA SAID:
Tobacco is a vegetable.

GAYNELL SAID:

Thursday --I stand in the wind
watching my hair blow away.
I've always loved the wind in my hair...
but now my hair is in the wind!

I write your name in the spilled sugar:
I lick my fingers.

Under the full harvest moon,
watching white washed waves pound the shore,
all the sisters sat around the bonfire
deciding what to toss to the flames.
Giggling, like sisters do,
they knew
they couldn't throw in all the husbands.

MELANIE SAID:

If you are ever stuck in some God-forsaken place,
and you find a crowd your age who drink beer:
You Will Survive!

DEBORAH SAID:

There is so much damn shit to learn:
I am going to have to get a Bigger Head.

It's a shame not to eat breakfast
if there are eggs in the refrigerator.

EILEEN SAID:

In 1958 there was only two ways to leave home:
Die or Get married.

So you want to learn opera.
What's to learn?

Enjoy first.
If you simply must:
Learn later.

A sad opera:
Boy meets girl,
boy falls in love with girl,
girl dies.
OR
Sadder opera:
Boy and girl both die.
OR
The saddest of all opera:
Everybody dies.
So now what more do you need to know about opera?
Watch these tapes,
read this book,
by Christmas you will be an expert.

Mary Lisa says:

MOBILITY

Rubber wheels beat rubber heels.
fancy cars,
beat up clunker
cars
trucks
vans:
warm and dry
on the inside;
cold and wet
on the outside;
just like me.

Whizzing by,
reminiscent:
Tortoise and the Hare.
You may find your destination
faster than me;
but I'll see you there,
eventually.

Kevin said:

I do the Lord's work most of the time.
The rest of the time I set people straight.
I find this to be a full time job.
But then so does God, I suppose.

Carol's Dim Memory

The first time I ever drank Tequila
was sitting on the dock in Ensenada
waiting on the Kuling to round the Coronado.
The Red Sun was setting.
The Pacific was slick,
and the worm in the bottle made me sick.

There is significance beyond the moment.

THEY SAID:

"There is too much loose malice floating around."
PRI RADIO, Sound & Spirit

"I can not do my work with distractions:
and I am afraid I cannot live without them."
From the book, 'First Wives Club'.

And last of all: I THINK I SAID

All drunks sing in the key of 'G'.

Those things you mutter under your breath
are your head speaking truth to your heart.
Those things you dream in your deepest sleep
are your heart speaking truth to your head.

So have a great weekend.
I hope you get into meaningful trouble
of little, if any, redeeming value
that will evoke smiles for years
making repentance impossible.

My relatives?
Seldom seen, if ever.
Wouldn't know 'um
even if'n I'z to dig 'um up

That's the way life goes
First it's your money;
then it's your clothes.
Next go your toes
just before the body bag unfolds.

We start out a turtle
down on our knees.
Later we're a roadrunner
fast on our feet.
Then a turtle, once again,
flat on our back;
unable to roll over.

Eight foot privet
keeps the privy private.
It's the pharts
that proclaim our presence.

I have lost 16 pounds.
All I gave up was heavenly food.

Now I have lost 25 pounds.
I hide chocolate from myself
I put it in the freezer
Sometimes I remember where it is
and I eat it.
It is fun to play games with myself.

Now I have lost 30 pounds and at 60
I have become the bad little girl my mama warned me about.

Would you believe 40 pounds? I don't.
How did I ever get that many pounds to loose.?

Now, would you believe 50 pounds?
I don't.
I have lost three quarters of my closet
and a proportion of me the size of a first grader.

My Darling Munchie
I gained a half pound last night in my sleep.
The only thing I ate was you.
Do you by chance know what your carbohydrate count is?

On Turning 60
Nipples still get hard
No longer are they high beams
They are more like fog lights.

I decided to become a Buddhist.
I must give up all attachments.
To do so I must build my house in a flood plane.
I must give up all desire.
To do so I shall have to die.
I must give up ignorance.
That one is easy.
I know I'll never make a good Buddhist.

Eighty-five and smiling with a twinkle in his eye, he said,
"I have just come from my sweetheart's lodging."
So that is why you look so chipper this dreary rainy morning, said I.
"Yes it is. Yes it is," he replied to my remark.
"But love is much more expensive now than it used to be."

Married men are the best:
they have to go home.
Have no designs for them;
play with them;
pack them up;
send them home:
just like we do with the grandchildren.

The best part of life is not finding a husband:
it is looking for the next husband.

The last day of Eden brought this to be true:
the penis is mightier than the sword;
the sword more powerful than the written word;
the written word more enduring than that which is spoken.
Yet the spoken word carries more weight than all
when secretly whispered into the ear of an innocent.
Then the last of Eden plays out the scene once again.

Italians nibble on scalenes,
Frenchmen prefer to nibble ears,
Desert Arabs just love to nibble,
Russians mumble in the mother tongue,
And Greeks nibble whatever appears.

November

Bitter cold blows sharp.
Whistling trees bend to and fro.
Cut brown leaves melting.

Gorgeous woman comes.
Alcoholics greatest fear;
cold sober, needs beer.

Next Generation

Grandchild looks like me;
Thinks the same: we're in trouble.
More are on the way.

August Renewal

Begin life again.
Southern magnolias blooming
calling me to gentle life.

OR

Magnolias blooming:
smelling of the genteel life
saying, "start over."

TIME: the ultimate predator stalks us.
TIME: the ultimate poultice heals us.
TIME: the ultimate equalizer evens the score.

TIME fell out of the hour glass:
Now what do I do?