One day my prince will come.
Someday I'll find me one.
He'll take me in his arms;
I'll walk straight into his heart
and I won't ever be alone;
at last, never alone.
We won't have credit card bills.
We will never be ill,
or take millions of pills
stored in sections labeled
Monday through Sunday.
We will make love for hours;
panting for passion,
not cardiac-vascular exercise.
Our titillating looks at each other
will be the envy of all.
In the dead of night
when the dark angel comes to call,
we will hold hands and check out together:
the one of us will not leave the other.
Flesh of flesh and bone of bone
will not be torn asunder.
Do not wake me from this dream.

Are you the prince?
I have sudden shudder spells all day long:
certainly that means you are the prince.
You are in the air:
a God conducting a symphony in my brain.
Tympanies are roaring and rolling.
My temperature is rising.
All my charakas are on fire.
My heart is a base drum in my toes.
My breath is wind pouring from a silver flute.
Oi yo yo yo
Ie yi yi yi
Kaboo Kaboo woo woo woo.
Who are you?

From this day forth;
from this point on;
through this door into Forever,
I have found you.
You heard my call;
sent out on wings of wind;
you came to me.
You, extension of my heart, returned
after this long absence of circumstance.
The peace of finding you after 41 years
will last until Time catches my breath
and awakens me into death.
where I will no longer grow older.
Acceleration aging of mind and body will cease.
Lips blue and cold;
hands without strength to hold,
turned young will kiss and clasp each finger
while you caress my face.
You, my Love, will meet me on our Jubilee Day;
be you waiting or on your way.
You will lie upon round firm breasts
and there, baby, child and man,
these three,
shall suckle sustenance.
You enter and I hold you there,
still and warm with tears and loving care.
Our lives at last, long parallel,
converge in the world we enter
where dreams are true
and Time does not exist
for me,
for you.

Only Time creates decay and death.
Only Time steals the last sighing breath.
Time has not nor will it ever touch my spirit heart;
not my spirit heart.
The wings of Strong Hawk will replace
withered arms and hands of No Strength Woman.
Enfolding you in feather arms,
clasping you with strong talons
carrying you to be with me.

Outside of Time
and through the door,
I quote another gone on before:
"Come with me,
the best is yet to be,
the beginning of that for which the first was made."

Great Red Tailed Hawk screeches high overhead
while I climax the morning flying in my thoughts of you.
I love you, My Pilot Prince,
I am hopelessly in love with you.

I write to you in the black of predawn light;
the sun not yet slitting the sky away from the earth.
Not one ray strikes a sword's swath to my window.
Blindly I write in the dark on my bed,
huddled in blankets against the cold.
I see you next to me:
In my mind you are real;
so real I am able to hear you breathe.
Unconsciously I reach for you.
Instantly you are gone from beneath my outstretched hand.
Taking my hand in mine to form a prayer:
someday--one day---I whisper to you across the miles:
You will be here or I will be there.
The light shaft sword of dawn breaks through my window
and finding my heart; slicing it in two.
Stunned, I stare into my prayer folded hands:
someday
one day
but this day is another day without you.

I write the words on the wind
pushing them toward you with my breath.
watching the scrambled communication
float all the way up to the clouds.
I do not know where you are
so I tell the clouds to find you.
They seem to have the ability and understand me:
maybe they get a lot of these requests from lost loves,
searching, looking, always looking,
thinking their lover will suddenly appear.
But will the words re-group themselves
in correct order and rhyme,
or when they find you, if they find you,
will they fall at your feet;
a pile of garbled unusables
like the rest of my communiques
stripped of life, old oyster shells.

Enough of telling and dreaming.
The time has come for showing and doing.

I want to lay my hand on your fast beating heart.
I want your head to lie upon my breast.
I want your body to melt on top of mine.
I want your breath to warm my desire.
I want your hands to hold my feet and count my toes.
I want you.
I want
I want
I want

I want you:
I do not want to ruin your life.
I want you:
I do not want to ruin my life.
I want you:
Every minute of every day.
I want you:
The perfume of our existence to fill the air.
I want you:
Moment by moment to remain spent on each other.
I want you:
A complete union of us; no space between us.
I want you:
Stark naked in a jacuzzi with bubbles everywhere.
I want you:
Viewing my body from every possible angle.
I want you:
Take me for your pleasure forever.
I want you:
Each one of these passions for you I hold to my heart.
I want you:
I will have them all, just never all the time--maybe.
I want you:
I want you:

I left all my notebooks at home
and chose not to write about you
or think of you at work today
so that I could catch up on my back log.
But alas,
I lost the will to continue the rouse
and so I wrote:

Last night, my dear,
I loved sitting with you here,
stuffed into your big kickback chair;
calming, overwhelming, comforting,
encouraging and relaxing atmosphere.
I lost myself in that chair
and found myself with you.
We are one together;
lovers who know each other very well,
silently sitting in our presence:
the completion of the us of us;
making words obsolete communication.
Our heart alone is speaking:
our mind is loving:
our body rests at peace.
We have truly come this far:
it only took 41 years.

The struggle for the life of us is over.
We birthed ourselves back.
Together we endured the time machine.
We lived.
Our love did not die.
We believe in and breathe each other's air.
Our hearts exchange beats; the ultimate of vows.
Our third eye sees the other and reaches out.
The hand extended; the gifts offered are received.
The many faces of love are ours to wear;
each in its own time.
For that time we wait.
We do not push The River of Love or Life.
We wait.
We know.
Because we know we are become one:
one with the stars,
one with the earth,
one with the present.
We wait.

My heart and life and love,
My day, my night,
My morning, my evening,
My sunrise, my sunset,
You hold me and I awake in your arms.
You make love to me with your heart,
and my cave receives the soul of you.
You kiss my hair,
You hold my hand,
You kiss my fingers,
You kiss my mouth,
Your body pulses in rhythm with my heart beat.
The music I hear is your breath
rising and falling with your body upon my flesh.
This is how I greet the mornings of my life
as it now appears to be.
You have entered my life and turned it over and changed it.
I have entered your life and turned it over and changed it.
The life we now have together
is like no other either of us has ever known before.
This oneness of us now propels us
into this new life that we create together.
We stumble all over ourselves at times,
because the power we have together is instant and quick and sure.
What ever ball we set rolling grows with exponential speed
often exceeding our original intent.
We, the together "we" of us
will learn to control these wild horses in our loins
that ride the winds of time through the miles of air that separate us.
The thermal wind sheer that we cause in this youthful frustration of passions
that has finally entered our lives at the very beginning of our aging bodies
is a surprise to the total sum of both our beings.
We cling to each other when we are together
and cling all the more when we are apart.
We slowly learn the possibilities offered to us by the universe.
Often I feel as though I am 10 years old
turned loose in Toys R Us with an unlimited charge account.
You have been given to me at this time
for my complete and unbridled joy.
This horse has no reins: I ride free on the wind with you.
Because of you, everything I ever missed I have gained
and now continually experience.
You fill me up.
Whether on the internet of these totally modern times,
or in special delivery letters
where time is still slow moving in central Texas,
or cyber video that has far more sensual power than I am prepared to deal with,
considering most of the time I am age 14 with you.
I believe this letter will continue for days,
so receive part one with my heart and soul
laid at your heart's door for your pleasure
I do not know what else to do with them when I think of you.

Quantum Ralisation:

Faithfully I meditate:
Thou art That, my Love.
I cleave to hear the voice of God:
Thou art That, my Love.
I must categorize 'love'.
Thou art That, my Love.
Agape, Eros, Filial: these three?
Thou art That, my Love.
Each and every molecule of existence?
Thou art That, my Love.
I am eternity's Helix?
Thou art That, my Love.
I am one with you?
Thou art That, my Love.
Forever we have been?
Thou art That, my Love.
Forever we will be?
Thou art That, my Love.

I sat and looked at the river
until late in the afternoon,
in a state of trance.

Some are stuck in the temporal,
where all is other-than.
Some are less stuck by degrees;
half in, half out of reality.
Some are not stuck at all,
rather--one with all that was, is or will be.
These last are the "Thou art That" of eternity.

The Yoga would say:
"What is the earthly usefulness of
"Thou art That"?
The Yoga would answer himself by saying,
"No good, no good at all."
For "Thou art That" cannot be:
taxed
bought
sold
used
subdued
conquered
spent
divided
multiplied
or receive regular royalties.
for eternity?

The Yoga would quietly add:
"And yet "Thou art That"
is all and forever only what there truly is:
the 'is' becomes the only part we truly live.
In this today of mine,
I love you, My Prince.

In December

Lovely Prince,
Return of my youthful heart,
I look for you.
I am become a love sick
and possessed teenager
in a sixty year old body,
peering out the window,
through the curtains,
looking into the future,
waiting, waiting.
I am hopelessly in love
with you:
the dream,
the illusion,
the hallucination
of conjured desire,
want and longing.
I do have a life,
or did have a life.
I thought I had a life.
This day it vanished.
I am living seven days from today.
I have not been in this day all this day.
Now that which I feared has come upon me.
The date is set.
The course is charted.
The sails are set and filled.
Air and Earth meet Water
to discover what pure Metal
this Fire has clarified.

Songs lovers sing from on this day.

I'll stop the world and melt with you.
Come on Baby, Light my fire. Gotta set the night on fire.
You're in my heart, you're in my soul,
you're my breath when I grow old, you're in my soul.
All I want is a heart some where,
far away from the cold night air,
with one enormous chair, oh, wouldn't it be lovely.
Lazy rainy nights and you never make me blue.
Neither do Mondays any more.
Now I know why I stuck around. You just had not happened yet.
You are not my reason for living, but you are the reason I enjoy it.
You are my brown paper package tied up with string.
You are my Rose and a Baby Ruth.
You are my Only You.
You are my Sunshine and my Happy Trail into the future.
And Last,
All my X's live in Virginia, that is why my heart's in Texas.
All I can give to you are my thoughts
and my words
and the apparitions of my love
floating in the ethereal hovering over your heart.
What you feel today that gives you the love-shivers will be me.
Every step you take, I'm watching you.
I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you.

Dear One,
who turns all my well thought out plans
into daydreams.
I lie in the crib;
look at the clouds;
watch the hawks feather their nest.
I think of us:
my addicted obsession.
The barren trees of late winter
give clear view to the river.
Three eagles make their morning, noon and evening trek
between the James and Dutch Gap.
Back and forth they fly with slingshot accuracy,
like darts thrown by Cyclops, they speed past.
To blink the eye is to miss them.
All the office work I must do this Saturday
is laying all over the dining room table.
A mountain between our trip and me.
I move it slowly, stone by stone
continuing to watch the hawks.
I am become a third grader
seated by the window in Los Alamos
looking at the mountains instead of the blackboard.
You have placed my heart in yours
in this time of our history,
I sit here, legs folded Buddha way,
praying the prayer of thanksgiving and peace
with eyes full of stars,
head filled with the clouds
meandering their way
west to east toward the bay.
My love, I drift like they
suspended in your love
which holds me moment by moment
in the seclusion of your heart where I am,
by my choice,
and your invitation,
cloistered,
in the tower with you
awaiting our time.
We, like the hawks, guard each other closely.
We birth our lives from the seeds of daydreams.
I love you,

Letter of cool white light in memory of a hot black day.
Day #273: April 10th, 2001
Mother has been gone a year this day.

I love you,
I have always loved you,
I will always love you in all ways
forever and ever.

April 11, 2001

You have held me
through out all these past days,
just so I do not feel so far away.
I feel your body sway
to music only you can hear.
And yet I feel your distant heart
beat a rhythm smooth and light.
You turn my life that I might see
clearly many aspects differently.
Your entire being:
spirit, soul, body, mind
dances far into the night.
You step off the distance between us:
time past and time to be.
I shut my eyes and blank my mind
to clear a path for vision,
to clear a path without illusion,
a path to waltz upon,
a path to walk upon.
You spin a swinging bridge
to span the space between us.
In the middle we are one.

May 18, 2001

I have the distinct feeling that I am with you:
a distant sense of you slowly moving inside my being.
Your mouth glides lightly across the muscles of my neck
in rhythm with your breath and self.
Long lean arms encircle me.
Fingers, ever so gently, lightly touch my spine
as though belonging to a dancer
who knows where he wants me to go.

Increased swaying inside me becomes the dance.
Tendons and cords that tie my being together
tug and pull,
release and tighten
again and again.
Once more your mouth caresses my neck;
and moves to my breast,
where you pillow your head
and rest the rest of one
who knows where he is going.

I want to wake up every morning;
roll over into your arms
to hear you whisper love words
through my early morning hair:
both of us still sleepy
filled with dreams we can't recall.
I want the glow of dawn to fall
across the slow movement of our bodies
and rest there for a while.
I want your heart to beat on top of mine,
your mouth to rest upon my lips.
I want this every morning
until the end of time.
Goodmorning my love.
I love you

Good Morning Lady of Beautiful Thoughts and Words.
This poem warms me all over inside as I read it.
It generates peace and contentment in my arms
even though we are separated by hundreds of physical miles.
Your simple and powerful words stir something desirable.
Thank you for the many gifts like this that you have given me.
I am completed in love and loved by you.

DAY #355: JULY 1, 2001

Saturday before the 4th of July
will always be the beginning of the ritual:
the anniversary of the us of us.
Forever.

Our second attempt to be together.
I often wonder at all the other times of our lives.
Have we done this through all the ages of ourselves?
Is this the one that truly took?
Or have there been many others, and were they all this difficult?
Were we smart enough to know what we had; who we were?
Were we burned together at a stake?
Were we white tigers invisible in the snows of the Himalayas?
Were we black and white yin/yang Pandas in China?
Did we fight in the crusades side by side together or in opposition?
Did we face each other unable to raise our shield?
Were we comrades in arms, or vikings on ships looking for new lands?
Or were we on a solar ship from a distant system with a sun going nova;
bringing with us these crystal clear blue eyes to a brown eyed planet
where our DNA is not genetically dominant?
Is this why the blue eyes never settle down,
seek more,
look deeper,
always wishing to leap off of this planet
back to stars of their beginnings?
Are we from here?

Are we welcomed visitors; more often cruel guest?
We lie on our backs looking at the heavens,
making love under its stars,
loving them,
counting them:
longing from deep within
to visit them,
feeling more attached to the clouds than to the earth?

How long have I searched for you?
How long have you searched for me?
Are we continually finding each other;
life after live after life?

Should there be another life offered to us,
or accepted by us to choose to be here again,
I shall be more attentive and find you
from the womb in which you dwell.
I will join with you there;
we shall truly become one.

I love you, forever, always, today,
tomorrow and in our next life:
in the womb of your next mother;
in the seed of your next father;
in the egg that makes us identical or fraternal;
I will hear you.
You will never stop the call.

I want you to know
that above all else in this life,
I am in love with you.
I will remain so throughout all eternity.
I have no beginning and no ending without you.
I have no past,
no present,
no future to unfold
without your arms folding around me
your leg resting across my belly
throughout the remainder of the nights in my life.
I have no vision of The Self or My Creator.
My soul has no reason to ask my body to breathe
without you on the other side of my breath.
My body has no reason to desire anything in this life
but the feel of your heart beat with your body pressed close to mine.
My spirit has no reason to fly in the night
save to enter our One Mind.
The Mind of me has no reason to want to understand existence
without The Mind of you on the other side of the great gulf
that separated our bodies for 41 years.
Without the hope of tomorrow
I have no reason to desire the sunrise today.
Without the future's promise to unfold our bed and bid us come,
I have no reason to wait for the fullness of the silver white moon
to pour reflected light upon my skin
without knowing the same silver white light
bathes your face at the same time.
I watch the planets of our system circle in rhythm over my home
in a rainy overcast city of green hills and wide rivers
that I have come to call beautiful.
I know the same planets circle your
muggy, hot, overcast sprawling and growing city
which you call a child's comforter of love.
Without all these parts of existence in this temporal world:
should I not have you to hold from this distance;
should I not have you be the promise of my future;
should I not have you on the other side of The Mind of Us,
should I not have you in the hope of tomorrow's sweet dawn kiss;
should I not have you in the place of my temporal days closing;
should I not have you to walk with me through tomorrow's door;
I should surely find my existence of no avail.
At the end of my life on this planet
I would only begin again the search for you
for I would still be listening for your call.
Never give up the call,
for your voice is the beacon in the long night
which guided my heart to find you.
It will be the call of your voice
that will cause me to find you throughout all eternity.
I love you,
I love you eternity past, present, and future.
We are One in each other for all space in which we dwell.

We are together,
totally together,
sinue-soul-spirit
entwined,
I woke up again with this completely free feeling.
I fly on the wings of the wind,
I soar in the sky of delights,
my songs are the songs of a woman in love.
I am with you today,
and will be for ever until the end of time
and throughout eternity.
I never want to lose this feeling,
I never want to wake one single morning
without you in my heart and mind;
with the knowing that the day will come
when I have your body next to mine all the time.
I love you.

Your belly is a wonderful comfort on my thigh.
It gives me the peace of a mother's breast to a young infant.
It gives me the erotic high of a young woman's softness
to a virile young man.
It gives me the acceptance of an old woman's appreciation
to an old man's touch long in love with her.
Your belly is a wondrous thing.
And your kisses seal the wonder each and every time.

I go to sleep and you are with me.
I wake and you are with me.
Every minute of everyday now you are with me.
We are together there and here.
I long for our bodies to be together also in this way.
I love you,
I have always loved you,
I will always love you forever
and ever
and ever.

My Darling,
I would live in a tent in the desert
just have the privilege to sleep by your side
and love you on a rainy Saturday night.
I would live in a cabin in the mountains
and grow apples for food if only allowed
to view your body under the trees each evening.
I would live in van,
like hippies of not so long ago,
just to be with you on the road
and watch the sunrise re-paint the yellow line.
I would live in a commune of nuns and priests
and abide by their rules
so long as your eyes would wrap me
into your heart each midnight.
I would live in a concentration camp
with peace in my heart
so long as your fingers passed through
the fence just to hold mine.
I would live in the presence of death and war
as long as your foot prints led me to your station
each evening as dusk bathes our bodies in pink.
But I will live in Houston
in a place we find,
in a place we love,
in a place we keep,
in a place that reflects our love,
in a place that grows like a flower
in the light that flows from us.
Let us create Eden.
Enter the garden.

I slept the sleep of lovers entwined in bliss,
lost in and caught by dream's sweet kiss.

I started out wanting you today.
As we talked and played on the phone
your sensuality drove my desire
beyond all limits into aching urges.
The sound of your voice becomes a massage to my naked body.
The things you say in play
take the massage straight to my erotic spots.
Added expressions of genuine affection
push me to the edge of madness.
And, I love it.

You are the most wondrous creature
I have ever met or read about.
I love you, I have always loved you,
I will always love you in always
forever and ever and ever.
Paul

I am missing you in these early hours.
On this cloudless dawn,
Lie still before me,
prone to earth and sky.
Feel my painted nails
glide trails along your thigh;
up your spine,
around your nipples,
wet lines following your sinews here and there.
Slowly, gently,
close your eyes.
Deeply breathe; Inhale the scent of love.
Come, my willing lover, come.

I am in love with you again today.
I crawled into bed with you:
I awoke with you beside me.
Do I dream about you;
or do I dream at all?
Am I truly with you in my heart,
and in my mind?
Am I insane?
Do I successfully direct my sleeping brain?
Does my body rest because of you?
The four unruly horsemen of my apocalyptic dreams
are successfully conquered; never what they seemed.
The universal 'death wish' to leave this earth place;
made a decision to stay; totally alive while yet life lasts.
Now the bridled four horsemen gently pull the Coach of Bliss.
Across these miles we are held in love's timeless kiss.
I spin in the strength of your embrace:
I desire no other place
than to forever fix my eyes upon your face.
My Love, My Heart,
Portal of my eternal life,
I am in love with you again today.

Twelve Days Until Forever
Moving Preparations

I look for you in the air.
Hair stands up on the back of my neck.
I feel your lips kissing me there,
while I bend over and stare into these boxes;
filling them up,
tightly taping them,
changing the placements
of each treasured piece,
making sure they make the journey
safely to the hearth you have prepared for me
from the fabric of your heart.
My life's journey took an unexpected turn
into your tapestry;
totally undetected by my faithful psyche.
How could I have possibly missed this:
to be awakened from my tomb by your sweet kiss
in the catacombs of an airport parking deck?
Now stacking and packing:
I come to the place where I never left.
I love you,
My Heart,
My Darling Paul,
I love the feel of your heart
beating throughout my entire body,
throbbing,
wispering my name,
calling me back again,
while your thoughts carress me;
crossing all these miles to find me;
watching patiently while I pack these U-Haul boxes.
You are here.
I love you,
Gaylee

Good morning My Moving Lady Gaylee.

Five days and I will come for you on County Line Road.
Five days and being apart will be the exception.
Five days and we will be together permanently.
Five days and our past will be undone in the present,
and thus release our future.

I love you, I have always loved you,
I will always love you in all ways
forever and ever
no matter what,
Paul

I am pleased the two of you
are together once again
after such a long dry spell.
I have discover that I need you both
to ease my heart these winter nights.

May today be easier than yesterday,
everyday;
more filled with abundance than yesterday,
everyday;
more filled with peace than yesterday,
everyday;
more filled with love than yesterday,
everyday.
I love you,
I have always loved you,
I will always love you in all ways
forever and ever no matter what,
more than yesterday,
everyday.
Paul

This holy instant would I give to You.
Be You in charge. For I would follow You,
Certain that Your direction gives me peace.
Lesson 365: A Course In Miracles

Gaylee, My Beloved Angel,
Miracles are both beginnings and endings,
and so they alter the temporal order.
They are always affirmations of rebirth,
which seem to go back but really go forward.
They undo the past in the present,
and thus release the future.
"The Meaning of Miracles" Chapter #1
Miracle #13: A Course In Miracles